Monthly Reflection

I have been feeling very uninspired lately.  Not sure of it’s the hectic pace we seem to be living at as Luis nears the end of his first year of his MSW program, or the thoughts of the adjustments we will have to make come September when he begins again, adding an internship along with his three classes and full-time job.  At this point, the months of summer seem to stretch before us as a welcome respite from the chaotic life we have been living this past year, yet, at the same time, insufficient as I try to figure out how we are going to pack one school years worth of quality family time into two measly months.

As I ponder all of these certainties, eventualities, and possibilities, an overwhelming feeling of defeat fills me, which leaves no room for inspiration of any kind.  The past few weekends have passed practically uneventful, as I don’t do the chores I should be doing or start the projects I should be starting or make the plans I should me making.  Friday comes and I feel drained.  I end up half-heartedly getting through the weekend.  Then Sunday comes and the work week looms before me with all of the stressing and rushing and juggling that accompanies life in our household these days.

Today…as I sit on my couch and stare out my window, the dust bunnies sweeping past, the unfolded laundry in a pile beside me, I look for some words of comfort from someone who has been there, done that.  I randomly open my copy of Katrina Kenisons’ a Gift of an Ordinary Day and I come across these words:

Life knocks us all off course at one time or another, I tell them, and right now it’s my turn.  I let them see me cry a little, I accept every hug that comes my way, and then I remind myself, over and over…that when a door closes, another one always opens.  I am simply going to need to keep an eye out for it, so that when I see it, I’ll be ready to walk through.

How appropriate!  I am definitely having an off-course moment and it’s gratifying to read the words of another who has gone through the same moments in life and can offer words of wisdom to help me view my circumstances, not as a deep well I have fallen into and can’t seem to climb up out of, but more like a waiting room with many doors, one of which will open at any given moment and provide me with an opportunity to take a new path.

So, for now, I suppose I will simply accept and find peace in this place I am in and trust that life knows where it is taking me…and when the time is right, I will know the path that I must follow next.  in the meantime, I will work on surrendering my worries of the future and my expectations of the present, and simply enjoy what I have right now…dust bunnies, a pile of laundry, and a beautiful spring day!